This is kind of a spin off of a topic that came up on my board, IntenseMuscle.com, earlier today and I thought it would be a good idea to touch on here.
If you have spent any time in the gym you have almost certainly encountered the Jersey Shore guys that don’t know what the fuck they are doing. They might be benching or curling or super-setting both, but they are hardly going to be training legs or doing deads. I think it is an unwritten rule that after seeing this, most of us feel compelled to get together and make fun of them by pointing out the stupid shit they were doing and how they have their heads up their asses, etc.. After a lengthy conversation amongst our super-knowledgeable friends that NEVER have been in that situation before, we just kind of laugh it off and shake our heads – as if they are such sillies. They must envy the rest of us because we obviously have all of the answers about how to train, get big, get ripped, etc..
Some of the things that they need to be picked on for are things like curling in the squat rack and doing too many cable movements while avoiding the heavy basics. Doing countless sets of bench press and curls but only training legs with a couple sets of leg curls and leg extensions warrants being berated, as well.
And God forbid they ask you a question about training or diet. I mean, who in THE FUCK do THEY think THEY are talking to, ANYWAY???? BITCH, I AM TRYING TO TRAIN HERE!!! I AM AN ANIMAL AND ANIMALS DON’T FUCKING TALK WHILE THEY TRAIN!!! Of course, these comments are never actually spoken but rather these are the responses that are retold over and over when the story is repeated for their brends (bro friends) later in the day. Yes, I combined two words into one trying to be funny and it didn’t work. Hey, they can’t all be gems, alright? My point is that rarely does anyone tell someone else to fuck off when they get asked a question in a nice way no matter how hardcore that person pretends to be so keep your stupid stories to yourself. Not impressed.
Here is the bitch of the irony here people: You are laughing at the Jersey Shore guys and shaking your heads but …. let’s be real here: They are likely nowhere near as dysfunctional as you are, laughing at them. See, they don’t live for the gym and they don’t stress over the exact exercise to do and the exact rep range and follow it up with a stretch while counting breaths, etc.. They don’t race through traffic to be on time for a meal and they aren’t going to pass on fucking their girlfriend for fear they might “go catabolic” from the added cardio. And please, please read this one as it is pretty important: They are likely pulling far more ass than you are. Now, this is where you kind of laugh and deny this but I say it is true most of the time. Those kids have fun in the gym and even though they don’t know what they are doing, they don’t care to. If they did, they would research it, talk to people, get a plan and do it in the very OCD way that the rest of us do it and you would give the meathead nod to them as you pass – still not speaking any words because that isn’t hardcore. No, they are going to get a little pump in the chest and bis and when they go out with their girl for dinner they aren’t going to count calories and they aren’t going to have to hold back a vicious fart while having sex, either. They are NORMAL people. Normal people don’t do what we do so picking on them doesn’t make any sense.
So, my advice to anyone that wants to pick on others in the gym? Ask yourself why you aren’t paying more attention to your own training, first. Second, remind yourself that you are half fucking nuts to live this lifestyle, anyway, and that not everyone cares to be like you no matter how much you think so. And third, if you are asked a question by someone that wants your advice take it as a compliment. No one started out in this game knowing it all. I damned sure didn’t. I stumbled through the gym doing stupid shit – putting myself in harms way and asking every question I could ask of anyone that I thought was big and had something to offer me in the way of wisdom. Lucky for me I wasn’t shot down very often as people back then seemed to want to help so much more than they do today. Not sure where the attitudes changed, either, because in the gym I train in you can get someone’s advice all the time and I don’t train in just any gym, I train at Armbrust Gym in Denver which is arguably the mecca of the midwest. Phil Heath will talk to you for 30 minutes if you get him going and that is DURING his training. I always answer any question that is posed to me unless I am wrapped and getting under the squat bar or something. Otherwise, I will always help when I can because people did that for me when I was starting out.
If you are that douchebag that thinks you are too hardcore to talk to someone while training then I am laughing at you. You are likely kidding yourself and only trying to convince you, and everyone around you, how “hardcore” you are. Bitch is, I think you are the only one that believes it.

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Well, we will just call that a little “hiatus”. Figured I have so much on my brain and so much on my plate that I at least better get in here and update a bunch of things for the people that actually do read my drivel. No, I don’t have anything profound to post this time but things are finally slowing down enough to the point that I will be back in here on a regular basis to give my unsolicited opinions and advice. Thank me later.
First, anyone that owns a legitimate business in this industry knows how tough this time of the year can be. I say “legitimate” because most just pretend to own one – make up a stupid name and then proceed to pretend it is a real business entity. Taxes are very time consuming so to finally get them out of the way for this year is a blessing. Tax note: Obama isn’t big on capitalism. That is all I will say at least publicly.
Second, Jimmy Kennedy arrived last Sunday to train here in Denver with me for 8 weeks. After destroying a Snooze breakfast and moving into his apartment with the company Sissy works for, we are off and running and things are going well aside from the gay waiter singing to him when he served us our pancakes. Jimmy says he didn’t look the waiter in the eye but Jimmy was blushing so …. you make the call. There is nothing more precious than a 110 pound gay man, gayly singing a pancake song to a 6′5″, 330 pound defensive tackle that gets paid to rip your fucking head off and then dance about it. He was a good sport and admittedly, we laughed long and hard (ouch, that didn’t didn’t sound right). I should also note that when the line to be seated at Snooze is around the building it is a really good thing to be an NFL player. It took us about 3 minutes to be seated and the look on the faces of the others that were waiting was not one saying “can I have your autograph”. Secretly, I admit that I was hoping they couldn’t figure out which black guy was the important one.
Third, the DVD is moving along well with test footage out of the way and training footage will start filming in about 5 weeks. We plan to film the training footage for all workouts over a 2 week period. I was holding off and waiting for Jimmy to get to town because most of the training footage will be training with him at Armbrust Gym here in Wheat Ridge, a suburb of Denver. For those that haven’t heard I will be putting out a training and nutrition DVD that will focus on the theme of longevity in this sport. How to train well into your 40s and compete while remaining as injury free as possible, how to work through or around injuries, nutrition and supplementation, advances that I have been working on with skiploading and shitloading as I have gone back to using both instead of just skiploading, etc.. We will be filming the training footage over the last 2 weeks that Jimmy will be here in Denver because he doesn’t want to look like a fat pig in the DVD. I am paraphrasing but you get my point and I would appreciate it if you didn’t mention that little “fat pig” comment if you see him. Remind yourself of your loyalties, here.
Lastly, a “small world” story that I have to throw in here for your entertainment/pleasure: My youngest daughter needed to go to the ER with a pretty bad cut on her thigh last Monday. It was a pretty rough situation and after declining the ambulance I drove her to the hospital, myself. After getting a quick check in we were taken back to a room and the Doctor came in a few minutes later. Nice guy and I told my daughter, Reese, that he looked like he worked out too. The Doctor kind of scoffed, playfully, and said that he “lifted a little”. While he was sewing her leg up we got to chit chatting and he asked what I did and I told him. He looked up kind of quick and said that he had a bunch of certs and yet felt that handing his nutrition and training over to someone else was a Godsend and he asked me if I knew Layne. I said “Layne Norton?” and he said yes. I told him who I was and that I owned IntenseMuscle.com and we both got a laugh out of it. I went on to tell him how much of a steroid and nubain user Layne was but he didn’t seem to care. I even told him he was gay but that didn’t seem to affect him, either. Loyalty can be a bitch, sometimes. My point? Shit, I don’t know. I guess that it is a small world. Either that or I am just REALLY famous – yeah, that must be it.
Lastly, I will be heading to the Colorado Season opener: The Northern Colorado, this Saturday with Jimmy to check that out. Always a good show and he wants to see what a show entails so it should be fun. I always like to see the good peole of the sport but, of course, with the good come the douches. I am sure that I will have to bite my tongue on more than one occasion this weekend. If you are in Boulder this weekend for the show and you see a big, good looking, black man…. it’s me. Jimmy should be close behind, though.
Ahhhh… It’s good to be back…..

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